First Love

Ran into you yesterday
Memories rushed through my brain
It’s starting to hit me
Now you’re not with me
I realized I made a mistake
I thought that I needed some space
But I just let love go to waste
It’s so crystal clear now
That I need you here now
I gotta get you back today

-John Legend, This Time

When most people are asked about their first love, they immediately think of the relationship which they established the deepest bond. Maybe it lasted a couple of months, years, or maybe it never ended. However, for most it does in fact end, and heartbreak is inevitable. Those weeks spent trying to regain your identity back from a relationship in which you so thoughtlessly hurled your all into only to have it fall apart before your eyes are the toughest. Or, maybe it was us who chose to distance ourself from the ones we loved most out of selfishness and a longing to be free and be on our own. In my short 18 years on earth, I have experienced both, but my first love was terminated out of pure selfish desire. I threw away everything for the chance to be like "everyone else". I wanted to go out. I wanted to have fun. I wanted to be free. It was something I always fantasized about but never actually thought it would actually play out. Forever was a promise we made to each other, but with one short phone call it was over. I didn't cry like I thought I would, maybe I was just shocked at how easy it was to just say goodbye to something that had become so much a part of me. I felt liberated. I felt like I could finally enjoy my teenage years. And enjoy them I did! I said goodbye and never looked back, until now.

I compare who I am now with who I was then and I don't recognize myself. But every time I see you, I feel a little bit of me come back to life. Those who knew me then can see the spark between us has not died. They can see the way my face lights up whenever I talk about you. I've had my share of relationships but none like with you. You brought me endless exuberance over the years, opened many doors of opportunity for me, brought tears to my eyes, and have left me broken (literally) and I loved every minute of it. Oh what I would give to go back to the way we used to be! I can feel your presence all around me, you are calling out my name. Flashbacks of us consume me daily. I see pictures of us and long for your touch; to be able to feel that raw passion between us once again. But time has not been kind to us since we have been apart, and as painful as it is to accept I know we can never be again. But no matter what you will still be a part of me. When we parted, you took a piece of my heart with you that I will never regain. And thats okay, because that was my gift to you in exchange for countless joy you brought me and continue to bring me. And for that, I am eternally grateful. Many have had a chance to experience you and in all your greatness, and I feel blessed to be one of them. Although we've parted ways and said our final goodbyes, our love will never die, and thats a promise.