Back at it again

I'm really proud of myself, I'm really sticking to my plan to do a few a day. Or maybe it's just because I'm bored out of my mind at work. Let's be honest, how many people typically come to the Ticket Office (aside from football season) during the academic year? The answer is not many, now divide that by 2 and that's how many customers I get a day. Seriously, in this 8 hour shift I have today, I will be lucky if I have 10 customers. So what do I do all day, anything that will make time go by faster. Since I've already done my daily gossip round-up, checked my email, and did my preliminary rounds on Facebook and Twitter, I suppose it's time for some questions.

So here we go again...

15. What recurring dream do you have? What do you think is the message your subconscious is sending you through that dream?

Ironically enough, I dont have any recurring dreams. My dreams are usually far too erratic to experience over and over again. I'm going to feel a little bit of a nerd for the next few sentences, but that's only because I did an informative speech on the meaning of the content of dreams. Dreams are actually just bits and pieces of information that you have stored in your brain (maybe something traumatizing happened to you during the day, or exciting, it could be a thought that has been in the back of your mind, etc.). When you enter REM sleep and begin dreaming, I think it's something with the synapses that create dream imagery. However, there is no hidden message in your dreams.

So, I guess if I were to answer this question correctly, I would suppose that the message is that I have way too much on my mind durinf the day. I need take some time to clear my head before I sleep, maybe my dreams won't be so wack.

16. What would you try now if you knew you wouldn't fail?

To be perfectly honest, I would try to get my own reality show. I have it all planned out really, and since I have nothing but time I guess I'll describe it.

The show would follow Sommerville residents from when I was on it during our senior year. It would document our search for jobs after college, applying to grad school, or maybe deciding to just take some time off. The premise sounds boring, but if you know us it will be anything but boring. Let's not forget that senior year we all turn 21, I can already see my birthday episode now.

We would all live in a house together, so maybe we would have to cut it down to a few main characters, and then a lot of recurring characters. Did I mention that our senior year our football team is bowl eligible again, so that means USC is about to be cracking, and you know we are going to be the ones that get it cracking. Let me just stop now, I could go on and on about this.

17. What was that thing you never tried because you were afraid of failure?

I would say the one thing that I never tried (again) was going out for my high school's soccer team. Soccer was one my passion, that was my one love. When I didn't make it the first year I was crushed, I knew I was better than the girls that made the team. All year I worked hard, they even started a summer soccer camp, but I didn't try out. I feel so stupid, because now I want nothing more than to play again. If only I had the balls to try out, man I swear.

18. What was your greatest disappointment in life?

I am really glad this question came up, because I really feel like I need to talk about this. I wrote about it a few days ago, but this is the first time I will explicitly address the situation.

I don't want to sound like I had a difficult childhood, it was far from it. However, I did have a colorful time during my adolescent years. I was doing things that aren't necessairly very becoming of a young woman, but I wasn't out of control either. It's not like I was forced to do anything, but I do now recognize that perhaps I was doing things for the wrong reason (as mine at the time was probably irrational). Either way, I don't share that dark side of me with many people.

Matter of fact, I don't share much with many people at all. But I was in love, and I was foolish. I thought that if I shared everything with him, there wouldn't be any secrets. There wouldn't be anything in the way of him loving me and vice versa. Boy, was I wrong. Turns out that not only did he not accept me for my flaws and all (yes I just quoted Beyonce), but he didn't even love me. He claims he did, but if he really loved me he wouldn't have intentionally hurt me.

Now, my greatest disappointment isn't my relationship with him. I'm glad I experienced that, it helped me grow, and it was truly a learning experience. My greatest disappointment is that I put so much energy into the relationship, and into him that I lost sight of myself. I let him determine my feelings toward myself , and eventually toward relationships. He made me hate the person I had become, when all along I was just being myself. And all of this was coming from someone who was so insecure with himself, that he was the bad guy all along. It made me sick to my stomach when I found out, but it only confirmed that I was, no excuse me, I am too good for him. And while we are still "friends", I can't help but to regret that he couldn't even appreciate the girl that was head over heels for him.